David's Soundtrack
by jekyllhj7
Summary: A series of one shots based on Dave's thoughts.
1. 1  Already There

_**David's Soundtrack**_

**A/N – I've said so in another story of mine, but just so you know, I am one of those people that music means a lot to. I seem to have a soundtrack that runs through my life. Certain songs play at the back of my mind during important events, and songs also make me remember a certain time in my life. **

**So in this idea, often times when I hear a song I will come up with an image in my mind. While I'd love to do more Glee videos, the scenes often do not exist. So I decided to do this. Each "chapter" will be a self contained story, based off a song. Because I really identify with his self doubt, his confusion, and inner turmoil – Dave's my guy. (No I'm not a guy, nor a bully, or even gay... go figure that I feel so bonded to this character)**

1 – Already There

It was late and I was still awake. I had come to bed hours ago and had lay in my bed listening to my parents get ready for bed. Finally the house was silent. It wasn't that I was trying to stay awake for any reason. It was at night, when I was alone, that the thoughts flooded my mind.

I didn't like what I had become. The bully, the jock, the scared little boy all rolled into one confused teenager. So, I let my thoughts drift to what might be. I knew there was someone out there for me. I wanted to believe that one day I'd be happy, with a great job, a family. Yes, in these moments when I let my mind wander, I never thought "wife". I had admitted the truth to myself if not anyone else.

Images of Kurt would meander into my thoughts. I would let myself wonder where he was. Was he thinking of me? Did he ever think of me? I had made his life hell, and drove him away, and yet here I was, wondering if he ever thought of me. In reality, I knew he didn't. I wasn't the one he dreamed of, but in this dream of mine, I liked to think that someday we'd meet again. That he would see that I had changed. Maybe something would click at first sight, or maybe we'd just be good friends and take it slow.

I closed my eyes and smiled. I hoped fate had a compassionate plan for me. Until then, I would dream of a future where he didn't hate me, wasn't scared of me. I would dream of a future where he was already there… waiting for me.

**A/N - So what do you think? Sometimes I find it hard to get the images I see in my head to make sense in word form.**

**Lyrics are posted below. This song is sung by Hugh Panaro.**

**Trying to sleep, alone in my bed**

**Thoughts of the future go round in my head**

**How will I find a love of my own**

**A love of the kind that I've never known**

**Don't know where I'm going**

**Don't know what to do**

**I take comfort knowing**

**That right here and now**

**You're out in the world**

**Searching for me too**

**You're already there waiting for me**

**Wondering where in the world I could be**

**You go through your day dreaming your dream**

**Afraid that it might not come true**

**While I'm lying here dreaming of you**

**You're far far away or just down the street**

**But surely someday we are destined to meet**

**I know in my heart you're coming to me**

**I don't need to know when and where**

**I'll just turn and one day you'll be there**

**And maybe we will know**

**At the first word, at the first glance**

**Or maybe we'll go slow**

**Start out as friends, but in the end**

**A love to last a lifetime will grow**

**And that will be our story**

**I can't wait to live our story**

**So now go to sleep and I'll do the same**

**Knowing your heart though I don't know your name**

**I trust in a plan much higher than me**

**To bring us together in time**

**So till you appear**

**I'll picture you clear**

**Remove all the doubt and let go of the fear**

**And know that the future is fine**

**You're already there**

**Waiting for me**

**S o in a funny way, you're already mine.**


	2. 2  October

_**David's Soundtrack**_

**A/N – Here's another story. Music is "October" by Evanescence. Again, lyrics will be posted at the end of the story.**

2 – October

I heard of Kurt's accident through whispers in the hallways. Other kids would be talking about it in hushed voices, then stop when I approached. Although I didn't directly cause it, I knew they believed it was my fault. Hell, it probably was, at least in part. He wouldn't have been at that intersection, or driving that road even, if I hadn't forced him from McKinley. So, yeah, it kind of was my fault.

Funny thing was, it was actually getting better there for a while. After the halftime show at the game, I was actually thinking about being honest with people. Finn had asked me to go apologize to Kurt and join Glee. Initially I had rebuffed his idea, thinking how could I? But, after a while I figured maybe it wasn't such a bad idea after all. I'd suck it up, and go and apologize. I always talked about 'being a man' and maybe it was time for me to actually be one. But I never got the chance.

I knew I wouldn't be welcome as a visitor at the hospital. But for some god-only-knows reason, I wanted to see him. To speak to him, to apologize even if he couldn't hear me. So, I signed up as a junior volunteer at the hospital. Despite the fact that my initial reasons for doing it were a bit dubious, to see Kurt and it would also look good on college applications, I found it kind of rewarding. I got to help out delivering meals, taking patients to their various tests, even getting to take the new moms and babies out to their cars.

After a few days, I found Kurt's room. He was in ICU and I always quickly grabbed any errand that would take me there. I got to know the schedule of his visitors. After the first few weeks, no one could stay all the time, having to get back to their jobs and school.

The first time I really got to see him up close was early one Saturday morning. I had noticed his family usually didn't come in till the afternoons on weekends, so I signed up for the early shifts. I walked up to the glass walled room and stood there watching him. He looked even more pale than usual. I know the movies always show people in a coma, looking all peaceful like they're sleeping, but they're wrong. Kurt was way too still to be simply sleeping. The only movement was his chest rising and falling from the machines forcing air into his lungs. Even though I hadn't been driving the car that had run the light and hit him, I still felt guilty.

My thoughts were interrupted by a tap on my shoulder. I turned around to see the duty nurse. Forgetting about my blue volunteer's vest and ID clipped to the lapel, I thought she was going to ask me to leave. Instead she smiled. "They can hear us, you know." She handed me some magazines and gave me a little shove into the room. "Sometimes, the families don't even think of talking about everyday things."

As I stepped into the dimly lit room, I could hear the hissing of the respirator and the beeping of the various monitors. It was just wrong. There should have been colored lights flashing and Lady Gaga playing. I took a deep breath and moved to the chair beside the bed. Sitting down I finally looked at the small pile of magazines from the nurse. I only found one that didn't focus on electronics, hunting or sports. Placing the others on the bedside table, I opened Better Homes and Gardens and began to read to Kurt.

Over the next few weeks, the nurses got to know me. I became the main volunteer in the ICU, reading to the few patients there, making sure their decorations stayed fresh and sometimes helping out the nurses themselves. But I mainly stayed with Kurt. I started bringing magazines I had bought myself. Things I figured Kurt would like. Turned out some of the fashion stuff was kind of interesting. And I found myself going to the mall a couple of times. Even in a coma, Kurt was managing to give me a makeover. I'd talk to him about school – how my grades were getting better, what the glee club was doing, even the continuing battle between Ms Sylvester and Mr. Schu. Sometimes I'd borrow the little CD player from the nurse's station and play some music for him. I think the nurses got a kick out of that, especially since I'd often find myself dancing along. Despite the amount of time I was spending with Kurt, I never let his family or friends see me. This was my time… my penance.

One Saturday morning I arrived to find Kurt's room empty. Fearing the worst, I asked the nurse duty. She smiled sweetly and told me that he had woken up the night before. His family had been called in and it looked like he was going to be okay. I felt like I wanted to fly. Kurt was safe. Just as I turned to leave the nurse stopped me. She told me that Kurt had told his family that he had dreamed of a dancing caveman who had been the one that helped him come back. I smiled and thought… just maybe….

**A/N – Again thoughts, reviews etc are greatly appreciated. **

**Lyrics:**

**I can't run anymore**

**I fall before you**

**Here I am, I have nothing left**

**Though I've tried to forget**

**You're all that I am**

**Take me home**

**I'm through fighting it**

**Broken, lifeless**

**I give up, you're my only strength**

**Without you**

**I can't go on**

**Anymore, ever again**

**My only hope (All the times I've tried)**

**My only peace (To walk away from you)**

**My only joy, my only strength (I fall into your abounding grace)**

**My only power, My only life (And love is where I am)**

**My only love**

**I can't run anymore**

**I give myself to you**

**I'm sorry, I'm sorry**

**In all my bitterness **

**I ignored all that's real and true**

**All I need is you**

**When night falls on me**

**I'll not close my eyes**

**I'm too alive**

**And you're too strong**

**I can't lie anymore**

**I fall down before you **

**I'm sorry, I'm sorry**

**My only hope (All the times I've tried)**

**My only peace (To walk away from you)**

**My only joy, my only strength (I fall into your abounding grace)**

**My only power, My only life (And love is where I am)**

**My only love**

**Constantly ignoring**

**The pain consuming me**

**But this time it's cut too deep**

**I'll never stray again**

**My only hope (All the times I've tried)**

**My only peace (To walk away from you)**

**My only joy, my only strength (I fall into your abounding grace)**

**My only power, My only life (And love is where I am)**

**My only love**


	3. 3 Forgiveness

_**David's Soundtrack**_

**A/N – The song in this story is "Forgiveness" from the musical Jane Eyre. You can find it on youtube by doing a search. **

Forgiveness

I actually got to school early. It was the first day of school… senior year. I had managed to pull things together at the end of last year in order to pass. Over the summer I had worked on my conditioning for football and hockey and had even spent time in the library getting ready for the new school year. One way or another I needed to get out of this town. I needed a fresh start. My plan was to just take one day at a time, keep my head down and just get through it the best I could. But like all great plans, fate always decides to throw a monkey wrench into the equation.

I had managed to make it to the second week of school without any problems. I was doing my homework. I made the varsity football team. And I was even managing to keep my head down. I had told Azimio over the summer of my plan and he didn't push me to rag on the new freshman. He knew things had been rough and understood my need to just get out of Lima.

It was after fourth period on the second Tuesday of school that the wrench showed up. I was putting the books from my morning classes back in my locker and getting out the ones for the afternoon when a waft of strawberries and cream drifted toward me.

"Dave." An oh-so familiar voice said quietly.

I dropped my American Literature book right on my foot. Damn, why do they have to make these things so heavy? Before I could bend down to pick it up, a slender arm was already holding it out to me.

"Thanks." I mumbled as I took the book and shoved it in my backpack, not daring to look up.

"I have something to say to you. Could you at least look at me?" The voice was stronger than I remembered. It was more like the voice I heard that day in the locker room – full of confidence.

I looked up and there he stood – Kurt Hummel. He was dressed in black skinny jeans and a royal blue knit sweater thing. I still didn't know what to say to him.

He put his hand on his hip and took a deep breath. "I just wanted to tell you." He paused almost for dramatic effect. "I forgive you."

I looked around to see if anyone else was noticing this conversation. Thinking maybe it was a set up or something. If Kurt was going to McKinley now, maybe they were trying to get me into trouble so I wouldn't bother him. No one was even glancing this way.

He snapped his fingers in front of my face to get my attention back. "Don't you even have anything to say to me?"

I turned to face him again. "Why?" I swallowed. "Why would you ever forgive me?"

He chuckled. "Please, don't think it's because I want us to have this glorious romance or something." He stopped and took a deep breath again. "Sorry, didn't mean to laugh, but seriously, I'm doing this for me. I don't need you hanging out in my mind for the rest of my life. I'm letting it go." He stopped again, his eyes boring into mine. "Plus, I think you hate yourself enough for the both of us." He smiled sadly and shrugged before turning and heading off down the hallway.

xxx-xxx-xxx-xxx-xxx-xxx-xxx-xxx-xxx-xxx-xxx-xxx-xxx-xxx-xxx-xxx-xxx

That night I lay on my bed, Kurt's words playing over and over in my head. He forgave me. The guy I had tortured through two and a half years of high school. The guy I had scared so badly that I had forced him to transfer to another school. How was he able to forgive me when I was unable to forgive myself?

I rolled over on my bed and opened the drawer of my bedside table. I took out the small wedding topper. I don't know why I'd kept it, or even why I had taken it in the first place. It all seemed so stupid now. I turned the plastic figurine around in my hands not really looking at it. Thoughts were tumbling through my head.

_Courage. A simple word on a cell phone screen. _

_I forgive you. Three simple words that Kurt could say, yet I couldn't say to myself. _

Wednesday morning. It had only been a week since school had started again, and my plan seemed on the verge of derailing. I rolled over, wincing at a horrible pain in my side. Sitting up, I saw it was the wedding topper. Apparently I had slept on it. I picked it up and shoved it in my backpack. Maybe I'd have the courage to give it back to Kurt today.

I went into the bathroom and undressed. I dawdled in the shower, hoping the hot water would work out the pain from sleeping on the hard plastic all night. When I stepped out and wrapped a towel around my waist, I wiped the condensation away from the mirror. For a moment I just stood there staring at my reflection. I looked the same as I always did, but something seemed different this morning. Seemingly without any conscious thought, three words came out of my mouth.

"I forgive you."

~End~

**A/N – Did I drag this on too long? I don't know. It just wasn't feeling finished despite the fact that I didn't have anything else to say. **

**Here are the lyrics**

**You mustn't be revengeful, you have to be strong**

**To offer good for evil, return right for wrong**

**We must not hold a grudge, and we must learn to endure**

**Then as God as your judge, at least your heart will be pure**

**Forgiveness**

**Is the mightiest sword**

**Forgiveness of those you hate**

**Will be your highest reward**

**When they bruise you with words**

**When they make you feel small**

**When it's hardest to bear**

**You must do nothing at all**

**Forgiveness is the simplest vow**

**Forgiveness of all their crimes **

**Is your deliverance now**

**Bless those souls who would curse your name**

**When the last bell tolls you'll be free of blame**

**You can continue to grieve but know the gospel is true**

**You must forgive those who lie and bless those that curse you**

**Forgiveness is the mightiest sword**

**Forgiveness of those you hate will be your highest reward**

**You must never lose faith**

**You must never lose heart**

**God will restore your trust**

**And I know you're afraid**

**I'm as scared as you are**

**But willing to be brave**

**Brave enough for love. **


	4. 4 When Its Time

_**David's Soundtrack**_

**A/N – I just have to say it's amazing how many Green Day songs fit with Dave's thoughts. **** Anyway, this song is on the American Idiot Broadway Cast CD. It was a song Billie Joe wrote for his wife and was never previously recorded. The lyrics are at the end, but in this one they're actually kind of part of the story. **

**Here's the song on youtube /watch?v=NvKsENlv8pg (just put the main youtube addy in front of that)**

When It's Time

I knew I liked Kurt from the second I saw him. The way he carried himself with such confidence was intoxicating. The way he spoke with suck eloquence was mind boggling. Unfortunately I possessed no such gifts. Yeah, I was great on the football field and actually got pretty good grades in my classes, but when it came to expressing myself, I was sorely lacking.

It happened every time I tried to approach him. I knew I wasn't good with words, so I'd plan what I wanted to say in advance. Hell, I'd even practice it to myself. Then I'd find myself walking up to Kurt in the hallway, and when he turned to face me, I'd freeze. Any coherent thoughts flew out of my brain and I stood there like the Neanderthal, he thought I was. And because I lacked the self confidence and poise he possessed, I'd let my frustrations get the best of me and wind up lashing out physically or with stupid insults that filled the void my fear had created. I always regretted those words as soon as they left my mouth.

I saw the fear in his eyes every day. I found myself wishing there was a way I could make him understand how I felt. I wish I had the courage to just walk up to Kurt and tell him. And then it happened. The day where everything changed. It seemed like even when I finally expressed how I felt, I managed to screw it up.

Kurt followed me to the locker room yelling at me, asking what my problem was. I really wished I could tell him. I wanted to turn around and take his hands in mine and profess how much I admired him. But as he kept flinging those sentences at me, I froze again. Even his insults were articulate. Eventually, as always, physicality over rode everything else. I pulled him close and kissed him. I tried to push all of my longing and emotions into that kiss, but as I pulled away I saw I had failed. His face was full of horror.

After that day, I knew it was over. I had ruined any chance I would ever have had to make him understand. Simple words would never be able to overcome the damage I had done. I had not only driven him away from me, I managed to make him leave all of his friends too.

xx-xx—xx-xx-xx—xx—xx-xx-xx-xx—xx-xx—xx-xx—xx-xx-xx—xx-xx-xx

After Kurt left, things were okay. I managed to get my grades back up. The football team even got to the championship game. Despite how much I protested joining with the glee club to do the halftime show, I found myself enjoying it. I loved the freedom I felt out there. I think most people put on a mask when they perform, but for me it was like I was able to drop the mask of Karofsky, and let Dave come out.

After the game when Finn asked me if I was going to join glee. I really wanted to say yes, even if it meant facing Kurt again. But, standing in the hallway of McKinley, I was Karofsky and the words just wouldn't come out. Instead a horrible tirade of insults came out of my mouth. I walked away feeling like I had just ruined my last chance to tell Kurt how I felt.

Later that evening, as I sat alone in my room doing my homework, an idea came to me. I knew how I could let the Karofsky mask drop, so, as Dave, I could tell Kurt how I really felt. I opened my closet door and felt blindly around the dark space until I felt my and wrap around the handle. I pulled out the guitar case that hadn't seen the light of day since I had decided I wanted to be a football player and not a rock and roll star. I opened the case and held the instrument in my hands. It felt so natural. I managed to get the strings tuned and began to play.

_Words get trapped in my mind_

_Sorry I don't take the time to feel the way I do_

'_Cause the first day you came into my life_

_My time ticks around you_

_But then I need your voice_

_As the key to unlock _

_All the love that's trapped in me_

_So tell me when it's time to say I love you_

_All I want is you to understand_

_That when I take your hand_

_It's 'cause I want to_

_We are all born in a world of doubt_

_But there's no doubt_

_I figured out_

_I love you_

_And I feel lonely for _

_All the losers that will never take the time to say_

_What was really on their mind instead_

_They just hide away_

_Yet they'll never have_

_Someone like you to guide them_

_And help along the way_

_Or tell them when it's time to say I love you_

_So tell me when it's time to say I love you._

**A/N – This didn't come out how I had planned it. I'm not sure how I feel about it. This is certainly a song that I think would be perfect for Dave to sing. **

**What do you guys think?**


	5. 5 What Ive Done

**David's Soundtrack**

**A/N – Today's song is by Linkin Park. On first listen it's a dark song, and the image that came to mind was not a good one. I was planning on writing it anyway, but then I really started looking at the lyrics and the song is not what it appears. So a new picture came into my head and here it is. **

What I've Done

I sat on my bed looking at my room. It looked like a bomb had gone off. Tomorrow we'd be packing up my truck and I'd be heading east. I had made it. I had been offered a partial football scholarship to Syracuse University. It was only the beginning of August and most of the newly graduated Lima seniors were still living up their last summer. But since Syracuse was a Division 1 school, practices started next week.

Mom had insisted that since I wouldn't be home till Thanksgiving, I had to clean out my room. Completely. So I'd spent most of the past week going through my closet, separating the clothes I'd be taking from the ones that could wait until winter, and from the ones I was giving away to goodwill. I also went through all my drawers, my desk, my shelves. God I had a lot of crap. I think I must have filled at least a dozen of those giant trash bags.

I looked down at the small pile of items I wasn't sure what to do with. Most of my room had been easy to distinguish between the things to keep and the things to chuck, but this pile I didn't know.

I picked up my letterman jacket. It represented all the blood, sweat and tears that was now enabling me to get out of Lima. It represented what opened up my path to a new start. But it also represented the fear, the struggle to hide who I was… _am_, and all the collateral damage that went with that struggle. Was this something I wanted to keep? It had such deep memories attached to it, and some of those memories left deep scars. I sighed and put it aside… I still didn't know.

The next item in the pile was a souvenir cup from 7-11. Why the hell had I kept this? This particular cup, I'm sure, was just garbage that had never quite made it into the can at some point. But, like my jacket, it held the place of countless other cups that had been thrown at people for no other reason than to make me and my "friends" feel better. Hell I didn't even like slushies. It's kind of funny that in the almost two months since graduation, I haven't spoken to Azimio at all, I mused.

Thinking of McKinley, I picked up my yearbooks. I had dutifully purchased one each year. I flipped though them shaking my head at the grafitiied photos. It's almost embarrassing. It also kind of sucks because in 30 years, what if I wanted to look back at these photos and now I wouldn't be able to see the people in them. I closed the top book and placed the pile on my bed.

One item still lay on the floor. I picked up the plastic cake topper and twirled it around in my hands. God I royally screwed up. It would have been understandable, kind of, if I had just screwed up my own life. But I had messed so deeply with Kurt's; I don't know if I could ever really fix it. Several times I had thought about giving it back or even just leaving it on his porch or in his mailbox. What good would it have done? It's not that I'm not sorry. God knows I'm sorry, but some things are better off left alone.

Finally I stood up and placed the cake topper in the box for the goodwill. It had become a reminder of what I was, and what I never wanted to be again. Hopefully someone can make it a symbol of joy again.

I took the yearbooks and placed them neatly in year order on the shelf above my desk. I'd keep them as a reminder. Maybe at some point I can see if the school has any extra copies that I could buy. Then I took my letterman jacket off the bed. I brushed some stray fuzz off of it before hanging it neatly in the closet. And finally I picked up the empty slushie cup and threw it in the trash where it belonged.

I heard a knock at the door and moment later my mom pokes her head in. "Dinner's just about ready. How are things going in here?"

I told her I was ready and pointed out which boxes were going to the good will and that'd I'd bring the trash down when I came down. She told me to put what I was bringing with me in the living room so my dad could start packing it up in the morning. I nodded and told her I'd be down in a few minutes.

I took one more look around my bedroom. This was the past. It was what it was, it couldn't be changed. Tomorrow I would get in my truck and drive to a new start. There would be no lies, no hiding. I knew who I was now and I was happy. I grabbed the trash bags and headed downstairs.

**A/N – Yeah… a new start. So what do you think? Comments, reviews, etc are welcomed. **

**And the lyrics:**

**In this farewell**

**There's no blood**

**There's no alibi**

**Cause I've drawn regret**

**From the truth**

**Of a thousand lies**

**So let mercy come**

**And wash away**

**What I've done**

**I'll face myself**

**To cross out what I've become**

**Erase myself**

**And let go of what I've done**

**Put to rest**

**What you thought of me**

**While I clean the slate**

**With the hands**

**Of uncertainty**

**So let mercy come**

**And wash away**

**What I've done**

**I'll face myself**

**To cross out what I've become**

**Erase myself**

**And let go of what I've done**

**For what I've done**

**I start again**

**And whatever pain may come**

**Today this ends**

**I'm forgiving what I've done**

**I'll face myself**

**To cross out what I've become**

**Erase myself**

**And let go of what I've done**

**What I've done**

**Forgiving what I've done**


	6. 6 The Kill

_**David's Soundtrack**_

**A/N – Guess 30STM inspires me. I actually did a video with this song a couple of years ago for another fandom. Anyhoo, just to kind of warn you - I'm not really liking the "new" Kurt and this story kind of reflects those feelings. **

The Kill

Standing at my locker that morning, I saw him. He was back in those skin tight jeans and one of those weird long sweaters, which I could only assume came from the juniors department of some fancy store. He stood down the hall laughing and smiling with his glee friends. They seemed to have welcomed him back with open arms. I resisted the urge to confront him, and instead slammed my locker with more force than necessary before turning and heading to my first class.

Each time I went to my locker, he'd be at his. I'd see him sneaking sideways glances at me. No way could our schedules be that alike. If I made any motion to turn towards him, he'd quickly turn away or leave altogether. It was getting quite annoying. I even tried carrying all of my books, but still he'd be there. But I refused to run. This was his problem not mine. I wasn't doing anything to him anymore.

A few days later, I caught him staring at me in the cafeteria. I hadn't noticed at first, but Azimio had elbowed me and pointed out that "Hummel's only got eyes for you, dude." I looked where he was pointing and saw Kurt, chin resting on his hand, staring at me. He was ignoring whatever the black girl was saying to him. When our eyes met, he flushed and turned back to the girl. But he kept sneaking glances at me. What the hell was his problem? Was he trying to provoke me? I hadn't even been near him since he came back to McKinley.

Finally the weekend arrived and I knew I was Kurt-free for at least two days. I was getting sick and tired of his presence. He had run away from me. I had been the one who wanted him and was scared to admit it. It took him leaving to make me realize I was trying to be someone I wasn't. In the months he was gone, I moved forward. I got my grades back up; I threw myself into my sports – hell we won the championship game. Things were going great. I didn't need to be playing these games anymore.

Needing a break from the insanity of Kurt, I met up with a friend from the Westerville football team to go see a movie. There wasn't much playing, so we decided on the sci-fi one. We got our popcorn and sodas and sat in a prime spot right in the middle of the theater. I was finally relaxing into the easy conversation about the various slides showing on the screen until I heard the voice. I turned around in my seat and there was Kurt with the black girl. She was going on about one of the actors that was in the film. But Kurt's eyes were on me. Finally having had enough of this, I excused myself and stood up and walked towards where the two of them sat.

"What is your problem, Kurt? " I growled keeping my voice down. "You transfer to another school to get away from me and now you come back and you're practically stalking me?"

He fidgeted in his seat. "I was just… well, you seem different. And since I'm back at McKinley, I figured if you wanted to, maybe we could talk."

I leaned in closely. "I don't need you anymore, Kurt. I don't want you anymore. So back off and leave me alone. I know who I am now and I'm happy." I stood up and walked back to my seat. Then knowing Kurt's gaze was on me I leaned in and put my arm around my boyfriend as the lights dimmed and the previews began.

**A/N – Yep. I wanted Dave to move on without Kurt… and be happy. **

**Lyrics:**

**What if I wanted to break**

**Laugh it all off in your face**

**What would you do?**

**What if I fell to the floor**

**Couldn't take this anymore**

**What would you do?**

**Come break me down**

**Bury me, bury me**

**I am finished with you**

**What if I wanted to fight**

**Beg for the rest of my life**

**What would you do?**

**You say you wanted more**

**What are you waiting for**

**I'm not running from you**

**Come break me down**

**Bury me, bury me**

**I am finished with you**

**Look in my eyes**

**You're killing me, killing me**

**All I wanted was you**

**I tried to be someone else**

**But nothing seemed to change**

**I know now, this is who I really am inside**

**Finally found myself**

**Fighting for a chance**

**I know now, this is who I really am**

**Come break me down**

**Bury me, bury me**

**I am finished with you**

**Look in my eyes**

**You're killing me, killing me**

**All I wanted was you**


	7. 7 A Beautiful Lie

**David's Soundtrack**

**A/N – Thanks to my punk channel on Pandora, I have another chapter. 30STM again… and again I actually used this song in a video for another fandom. I really wish I could do more glee videos, but the footage I need doesn't exist, plus FOX pulled the videos I had put on youtube and threatened to shut down my account. So here we go again on another journey into Dave's thoughts…**

A Beautiful Lie

I rolled over again and looked at my alarm clock. The display said 2:35. It seemed the sandman was choosing to skip over me again. It had been a while since I'd had a decent night's sleep. I think my parents knew and were blaming that on my semi-recent change in behavior. Lack of sleep wasn't the cause, but I'm sure it wasn't helping. Keeping my temper in check was becoming more and more difficult. Hell, keeping everything in check was becoming more difficult. Flipping onto my back, I stared at the ceiling. Things I had worked so hard to hide, were threatening to boil over. Maybe the anger was a good thing. It was a perfect cover for the truth.

I walked through the hallway on my way to first period. My head was in a fog. I think I had slept a total of twenty minutes the previous night. Ever since... well for the past week, my façade had been slipping. It had actually fallen apart completely. That was a mistake. I let the truth come out, even briefly and I get hurt. It's much easier to just push what happened aside and to be who people think I am. I have to play the game.

In hindsight, I'm sure the logical thing to do would have been to lay low and just let things lie. But someone keeping a secret is not often logical. Especially a secret that threatened to upset the precious status quo. In high school, and to an extent in life, image is everything. It often didn't matter who you really were, it mattered who everyone thought you were. Because of this, I felt the need to overcompensate. To prove to everyone, even myself, that I was who they thought I was. I was the brainless jock – the bully. It was better than the alternative… it was better than the truth.

It all came to a head in the principal's office. I sat there next to my father, with Kurt and his father sitting across from us. I could feel everyone's eyes on me. I didn't have the protection of my letterman jacket. I was afraid they'd see through the lies I had woven. My father brought up my change in grades. Everyone seemed surprised that I had been getting As and Bs until recently. The truth about who I was was slowly being revealed. And then, Kurt was asked what he wouldn't tell. I looked at him, knowing he could destroy me with one word.

But he didn't. It seemed like Kurt played the game too. I have no idea why he did it. He left after that. But I guess I shouldn't have been so surprised. Everyone has secrets… everyone lies… everyone plays the game.

**A/N – kind of came out differently that I had planned. The idea came to me yesterday, but I never had a chance to write it. So when I came back to it today, the same vision wasn't there. Wish they'd do some 30STM in the show. **

**Lyrics:**

**Lie awake in bed at night**

**And think about your life**

**Do you want to be different?**

**Try to let go of the truth**

**The battles of your youth**

'**Cause this is just a game**

**It's a beautiful lie**

**It's the perfect denial**

**Such a beautiful lie to believe in**

**So beautiful, beautiful it makes me**

**It's time to forget about the past**

**To wash away what happened last**

**Hide behind an empty face**

**Don't ask too much, just say**

'**Cause this is just a game**

**It's a beautiful lie**

**It's the perfect denial**

**Such a beautiful lie to believe in**

**So beautiful, beautiful it makes me**

**Everyone's looking at me**

**I'm running around in circles, baby**

**A quiet desperation's building higher**

**I've got to remember this is just a game**

**It's a beautiful lie**

**It's the perfect denial**

**Such a beautiful lie to believe in**

**So beautiful, beautiful it makes me**


	8. 8 Therapy

**David's Soundtrack**

**A/N – This is one of (hopefully) two based on songs by Declan Bennett. He's an awesome singer/songwriter and the songs really fit because he's actually gay. ****I used another of his songs for a Kurtofsky video that you can find on my site (since Fox friggin took it off Youtube and threatened to close my account). www (dot) darksideoftheglass(dot)com(slash)videos(dot)htm**

**Anyhoo… enjoy. **

Therapy

I think the correct term would be called 'stalking.' I found myself following him. I just wanted to be near him. Unfortunately any actual contact usually turned out badly. I hated that I hurt him, but I couldn't seem to help it. I'd watch him with his friends and wish I could just talk to him. He'd tried to talk to me with that prissy prep school buddy of his, but as usual, I'd gotten angry and violent. He'd offered his help and I'd just rejected it. When he'd spoken to me that day on the stairs, it was almost as if he was speaking some foreign language that I couldn't understand. My mind rebelled and told me I wasn't like him. I wasn't flashy, I didn't give a damn about fashion or musicals, and I sure as hell didn't wear my heart on my sleeve. Now, as I watched him across the lunch room, I regretted that decision.

I often found myself sitting in the back corner of the auditorium watching him. He pranced around on that stage like he had no cares or worries. He was proud of who and what he was and no one could take that away from him. I wished I had that. I wished I didn't have to lie to myself and everyone else. Somewhere deep inside, I supposed I had admitted it to myself, but on the surface and to the rest of the world I was still "Karofsky".

As I'd watch him, I felt a connection between us. Nothing tangible, but there was something there. I think he knew it too. I wondered if that connection was strong enough to help me. Countless times I'd think about approaching him, but I'd chicken out at the last minute when he'd turn and look at me with fear in his eyes. It seemed as if every time I'd tried to open up about the truth, it had just made things worse.

One afternoon I saw him sitting alone at one of the corner tables in the library. I stood watching him for several minutes before finally gathering up the courage to cross the room. I lightly placed my backpack on one of the chairs opposite and waited to be noticed. He looked up and tensed when he saw who it was.

"I, um, was wondering if the offer to help was still open." I said quietly.

He seemed confused by my question. "What offer?"

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "That day in the stairwell… you and your friend offered to talk to me about… stuff." I said the last word quietly.

Recognition crossed his face. "Ohhh." He looked around as if this were some kind of trap.

I pulled out a chair and sat down. "I'm serious, Kurt. I just need someone to talk to."

He closed the magazine he'd been looking at and pushed it aside before folding his hands on the table in front of him. "Ok. I'm listening."

End

**A/N – Dunno if I like how this turned out. I love the imagery of this song, but I'm not sure if it came out. Grrr… Let me know what you guys think. You can watch the official video on youtube here /watch?v=gKLBK11stXg (just type the main youtube address first)**

**I'm currently writing another story, so hopefully there'll be two today.**

**Lyrics**

**You walk then I'll walk and I will follow you there  
I'm hanging out your pockets and braiding your hair  
You talk then I'll talk but speak to me in tongues  
Speak to me in words that mean the same in English as I love you  
Speak to me in languages so that they cannot understand**

**So let's sit down and talk about it and share a cigarette**  
**Wear our fears like a jacket full of overdue tears**  
**This ain't therapy or fun**  
**Its just conversation**

**Don't lie then I won't, I know it's hard**  
**But try and talk about the devils residing in your heart**  
**You go then I'll go**  
**And I will revel in this symbiotic relationship**  
**Speak to me in words that mean the same in English as I love you**  
**Speak to me please in Japanese so that they cannot understand**

**So let's sit down and talk about it and share a cigarette  
Wear our fears like a jacket full of overdue tears  
This ain't therapy or fun  
Its just conversation**

**Opening up normally gets me into trouble**  
**Opening up tends to get me deeper into trouble**  
**Opening up when you know that you've mucked up**  
**And even tho your not to blame you just can't find the words that you need to explain**

**So let's sit down and talk about it and share a cigarette**  
**Wear our fears like a jacket full of overdue tears**  
**This ain't therapy or fun**  
**Its just conversation**


	9. 9 An Innocent Evening of Drinking

**David's Soundtrack**

**A/N – Wow, two in one day! Aren't you guys lucky? This is another song by Declan Bennett. I would soooo love to see this song done in the show. The he sings it is incredibly sexy.**

An Innocent Evening of Drinking

I had to find somewhere quiet to think.

Azimio's house was packed. We had just won the championship football game and everyone was insanely happy. After the game, Az had invited everyone back to his place – including all the glee kids. Hell, it was the whole zombie thing that had wound up getting us the win. And of course a victory party wasn't complete without alcohol. Yeah we were all underage, but Azimio's parents said we were okay as long as everyone spent the night.

I managed to wind my way through the crush of the deck and back into the warmth of the kitchen. The table was over laden with chips, pizza and empty soda and beer cans. Mumbling some excuse me's that I'm sure no one heard, I found myself at the top of a set of stairs leading to the basement. Since no loud music or ruckous laughter came from the dimly lit room below, I started unsteadily down the steps. Miraculously I made it, even with the beer can in my hand. The shadowy quiet of the basement was a welcome relief from the pounding noise of the main floor. Sighing I flopped down on the couch and realized I wasn't alone.

I turned my head to see Kurt Hummel gazing back at me with glassy eyes that I'm sure matched my own. I saw several empty wine cooler bottles on the floor next to the couch. He smiled at me and I blinked several times, sure it was some kind of alcohol fueled hallucination. What was he doing here? He went to that fancy private school now. I guessed he had tagged along with the other glee kids. I took another gulp of beer from the bottle I held and looked again. Kurt was still there but somehow seemed closer now.

He moved across the couch and placed his hands on either side of my face.

"It _is_ you." He said in almost a whisper.

He was so close I could feel his breath on my face. Something in me wanted to bridge that small gap between us, but the tiny voice of reason in my addled mind knew I shouldn't be contemplating kissing the smaller boy. Instead I gazed into his blue eyes. It was strange to see an emotion other than fear in them. There seemed to be genuine caring behind the glassiness. But was that fueled by the alcohol, or was that Kurt's real feelings showing through?

I could feel my heart pounding in my chest as Kurt leaned in closer. Did I really want this? At this moment, it didn't matter what the rest of the world saw me is. Right now the boy moving closer was my entire existence. I felt his soft lips lightly brush against mine. I heard that little voice telling me that anything that happened could only end in regret, but I didn't care.

I kept waiting for Kurt to realize what he was doing and pull away. I didn't dare reach out to him after forcing him that day in the locker room. The way I was giving into him scared me, but I continued to let it happen. Again he brought our lips together, pressing his tongue against mine. I willingly parted my lips, allowing him to deepen the kiss. His hands moved from my face and I could feel his fingers weaving their way through my hair. I briefly thought about what would happen if anyone decided to come down to the basement, but the thought vanished when I felt Kurt's fingers trailing down my chest.

I gasp, breaking this kiss when I feel his hands on my belt. As he lowered my zipper, he leaned in to kiss me again. I felt his hand around me and moaned into his mouth. The voice of reason in my mind is putting up a valiant fight, but eventually the regret I know will arise in the morning gets lost in the lust and alcohol haze as I give in to Kurt.

End

**A/N – Whew… kind of got lost in this one. Seriously the song is so hot. I can't find it on youtube or I'd post a link. Comments are love.**

**Lyrics**

**It has to be said I'm easily led  
And there's no denying the rules have been read  
You still have to touch I like it so much!  
We could just stay awake drinking  
We could just kiss? Shouldn't contemplate this  
And we shouldn't stay awake drinking**

**There's lies in the air but its genuine care  
Allowing your fingers to run through my hair  
I hate what I am for fuck's sake. Damn!  
My heart beat tries to be steady  
Ready..?  
On your marks get set, it'll end in regret  
But regardless he knows that I'm ready**

**Don't leave it to me, I'll do something silly  
I'm relying on you and your own dignity  
Believe me I'm scared, this is crap but I'm scared  
Somebody stop me I'm going  
Knowing  
If someone walks in will I blame it on him?  
We're ready and we know where it's going**

**Where is the line? How do we define  
When we can go no further and then stop when it's time  
To put on our jeans cos it blatantly means  
That we've gone too far and it feels stupid?  
I did. You did!  
My alibi's drink! I don't know but I think it'll help  
Me forget I'm being stupid**

**I seem to choose tho I know what I'll lose  
To loosen my belt and unfasten my shoes  
Closing my eyes as my dignity dies  
An innocent evening of drinking  
Drinking. Drinking  
Incredible lies led to sexual cries**

**We should never have stayed awake drinking**


	10. 10 Pity The Child

**David's Soundtrack**

**A/N – Yeah I'm on a roll. My musical theatre side is showing today. This song is from the musical "Chess" When I first got the idea for this story, it was quite dark and negative, but I wanted a happy Dave. So I thought it over and went in another direction. **

**On another note, I am a bit frustrated. I find myself not missing the show at all. Is that bad? Also kind of frustrated that Klaine seems to be gaining ground and Blaine is even showing himself in stories by my favorite authors. **** Sorry for the rant, I'm just feeling like I'm in a shrinking minority. **

**Anyhoo… back to my man Dave. **

Pity The Child

I was nine years old when I figured out I was gay. The other boys were starting to notice the girls and I started to notice the other boys. I knew I was different so I just played along and kept my feelings to myself. I wasn't stupid. I'd wait until I was alone in my bedroom to think about what I felt. I'd put on my music and dance around as I tried to drown out the arguments coming from below.

Just because I knew I was gay didn't mean I didn't want to be a pro hockey player when I grew up. My father signed me up for the town league and was there for every game. Deep down I knew he probably was there to get away from my mother just as much as to make sure he supported me. Even though I fit in with all the kids because of my playing ability, I wondered if I ever let my true self show, if they would still be so accepting. I didn't fit the mold.

When I was twelve, the fighting between my parents had become unbearable. I was out of the house as much as I possibly could be, and when I was forced to stay home I was up in my room. If hockey was my escape out of the house, then music was my salvation inside. As I listened and sang along, I wondered if my parents knew about me. Was that the reason they were always fighting? I didn't dare ask. If the answer was yes, then it would confirm my fears that I was the source of all their troubles. If they said no, then I would have let my secret slip.

Finally, my father moved out. It wasn't a big production. It was almost like he just disappeared one day. I still saw him at all my games and we'd go out to dinner some nights, but it wasn't the same. The house had become my mother's domain. As soon as my father was gone, she began bringing other men to the house. None seemed to care much about me, so I stayed out of their way. If they did take an interest they usually found something wrong. One guy saw me dancing along to my music one night and called me a 'queer.' I got worried he would tell my secret, but my mother just laughed it off.

Once I started high school, my frustrations began to rise. My mother was never around, not that I wanted her to be. I knew her men were more of a priority than I was. And because I had joined hockey and football I saw less of my dad. He couldn't always get off work to see my games and our dinners out had become nonexistent. And then there were the guys at school. Girls and sex had become hot topics and I was feeling the pressure. The frustration began to manifest itself against the one person who seemed to personify all my problems. Kurt Hummel. He was what I wished I could be. He had a happy life with his dad who understood him. He was out and comfortable with himself. He was an open book. So at every opportunity, I would shove him and hurt him so I wasn't the only one scared and afraid. Finally, my actions found myself in the principal's office with (thank god) my father sitting next to me facing Kurt and his father. Of course, my mother hadn't been available to come to this meeting.

It was my brief expulsion that had actually saved me. My father had petitioned for custody and won. He had spoken to the school board explaining my home situation and how it had added to my aggression and that with my new living arrangements I would be less likely to act out. He also sat down and talked to me saying he knew I was gay. That he had always known and that he didn't care. I was his son and I could still be a pro hockey player if I wanted to.

But funny enough, I didn't become a hockey player. Hockey got me to college, and college got me a degree in behavioral science. As I sat in my office looking over my notes from my morning counseling sessions with troubled kids, I wondered if I should call my own mother. I hadn't spoken to her since I moved out of her house all those years ago. Should I tell her how much my life had changed? Should I tell her I was happy with my partner of five years and that we were considering adoption? Should I tell her how I now counseled at risk kids so they didn't lash out as I had done? I often asked myself these questions, but I never called her.

End

**A/N - Just FYI – the original story had just ended with the expulsion and Dave being a failure. His dad wasn't really part of it. But then I thought of how cool his dad was in the show. He seemed like a kind and understanding man, so I wanted him to be the one to be there for Dave.**

**Lyrics:**

**When I was nine I learned survival  
Taught myself not to care  
I was my single good companion  
Taking my comfort there  
Up in my room I planned my conquests  
On my own - never asked for a helping hand  
No one would understand  
I never asked the pair who fought below  
Just in case they said no**

**Pity the child who has ambition  
Knows what he wants to do  
Knows that he'll never fit the system  
Others expect him to  
Pity the child who knew his parents  
Saw their faults  
Saw their love die before his eyes  
Pity the child that wise  
He never asked "Did I cause your distress?"  
Just in case they said yes**

**When I was twelve my father moved out  
Left with a whimper - not with a shout  
I didn't miss him - he made it perfectly clear  
I was a fool and probably queer  
Fool that I was I thought this would bring  
Those he had left closer together  
She made her move the moment he crawled away  
I was the last the woman told  
She never let her bed get cold  
Someone moved in - I shut my door  
Someone to treat her just the same way as before**

**I took the road of least resistance  
I had my game to play  
I had the skill, and more - the hunger  
Easy to get away  
Pity the child with no such weapons  
No defense, no escape from the ties that bind  
Always a step behind  
I never called to tell her all I'd done  
I was only her son!**

**Pity the child but not forever  
Not if he stays that way  
He can get all he ever wanted  
If he's prepared to pay  
Pity instead the careless mother  
What she missed  
What she lost when she let me go  
And I wonder does she know  
I wouldn't call - a crazy thing to do  
Just in case she said who?**


	11. 11 The Winner Takes It All

**David's Soundtrack**

**A/N – I actually had another in mind, but this one came first. This story is definitely channeling my current feelings towards Kurt and the show through Dave. Just a warning, it's a bit angsty and bitter**.

The Winner Takes It All

Kurt was back. You'd think I'd be happy about it, right? Not so much. The only emotion I felt toward him was anger and bitterness. I watched him frolic with the other glee kids as Azimio droned on about some girl. I could physically feel the anger boiling up in the pit of my stomach. Without a word to my friend, I got up and emptied my tray into the garbage can, then left the cafeteria.

You think I'm jealous. Not at all. I can honestly say I don't want Kurt anymore, especially now that I've seen how he's changed. He's no longer the fun loving diva he was before he left. Now he's some kind of pompous ass poser acting like he's better than everyone. Everyone knows he only came back because the clone academy lost that glee competition and he just wants to go to New York.

My anger doesn't come from jealousy. It comes from the fact that no matter what happens Kurt gets what he wants. He plays everyone. Meanwhile, I get crap. I haven't done a damn thing to any of the glee club or other "losers" at McKinley in months, and I still get nothing. Hell, I'm not even in the background.

I walk through the empty hallways. I know no one will notice me. It's like I don't exist anymore. Rumor is Santana has the hots for Brittany. You'd think we could bond or something, but no, she's got her glee friends. Hell, she's even got that flash substitute teacher that blasts in here from nowhere and acts like she owns the joint.

The bell rings and the hall fills up with other students. I head toward my locker and get my books out for my afternoon classes. Azimio comes up and asks why I left. I just shrug. I see the glee club walking by over his shoulder. Even if I had taken up Finn's invitation, I'd never really be part of them. They think they're the losers, but they're not. They wind up getting what they want. Losers like me, don't.

**A/N – Yeah… pissed at the show. Pissed at the Klaine showing up in "D Karofksy & Kurt H" fics. Etc.**

**The story doesn't fit the lyrics exactly, but it fits the general bitter tone of the song. It's pretty easy to find on youtube. Thank god its baseball season! Go Yankees! :-D**

**Lyrics**

**I don't wanna talk  
About the things we've gone through  
Though it's hurting me  
Now it's history  
I've played all my cards  
And that's what you've done too  
Nothing more to say  
No more ace to play**

The winner takes it all  
The loser standing small  
Beside the victory  
That's her destiny

I was in your arms  
Thinking I belonged there  
I figured it made sense  
Building me a fence  
Building me a home  
Thinking I'd be strong there  
But I was a fool  
Playing by the rules

The gods may throw a dice  
Their minds as cold as ice  
And someone way down here  
Loses someone dear  
The winner takes it all  
The loser has to fall  
It's simple and it's plain  
Why should I complain.

But tell me does she kiss  
Like I used to kiss you?  
Does it feel the same  
When she calls your name?  
Somewhere deep inside  
You must know I miss you  
But what can I say  
Rules must be obeyed

The judges will decide  
The likes of me abide  
Spectators of the show  
Always staying low  
The game is on again  
A lover or a friend  
A big thing or a small  
The winner takes it all

I don't wanna talk  
If it makes you feel sad  
And I understand  
You've come to shake my hand  
I apologize  
If it makes you feel bad  
Seeing me so tense  
No self-confidence  
But you see  
The winner takes it all  
The winner takes it all...  



	12. 12 Right Before My Eyes

**David's Soundtrack**

**A/N – And another selection from a musical – from Broadway's "Lestat" Only place you can find to listen to this is youtube since the cast album is sitting un-edited on a shelf somewhere. It was never released.**

**Anyhoo – I've had this one in the works for a while, and have put off writing it because I am really not liking Kurt, which makes it hard for me to make Dave want Kurt. And I'm too lazy to create an OC for a one shot. Hopefully I can pull it off. **

Right Before My Eyes

Assemblies suck. I just want to get that out there. The only good thing about them was we got out of class for a while. On this particular day, I grabbed a seat in the back of the auditorium with Azimio and some of the other football guys. We joked around as the assembly droned on. I was beginning to wonder if class would have been preferable. Then the music started.

Shaken out of our stupor, the whole student body came to attention. This was something different. It was only a few kids – the kid in the wheelchair, the goth Asian chick, that fat black girl… Hudson was up there too. He had had it out with Puckerman about being forced to join. After the initial wake up call, the audience mostly tuned out again. But Azimio and the other guys started whooping and taunting the kids up on the stage. I would have joined in, but I was staring at the skinny dark haired kid up there – Hummel his name was. I'd seen him in the hall… hell I'd helped Puckerman and Hudson throw him in a dumpster on occasion. Watching him there in the spotlight, I felt something stirring deep inside. Before I could really think about it, though, the song was over and so was the assembly.

As the weeks passed, I found my thoughts going back to that performance and Hummel. What the hell? I'd be watching a movie and suddenly wonder if he would like it or if he had seen it. I wondered if he liked sports or if just sang and danced. And I even found myself wondering if I should talk to him. Nothing major, just say 'hi' as we passed in the hall or something. I wondered if we were friends, if we could rule the school… he was the head of the dorks and I had the jocks. But he was always surrounded by his glee buddies, and then the doubts crept in. Why would I be friends with that queer? Why the hell would he want to be friends with me?

And so I'd keep my distance. Just watching. The something I had felt deep inside when I first saw him up on that stage began to grow. I wanted more than to be friends with him. He was right there every day. But I couldn't reach out. It wasn't just the fear that he would say no. It was the fear of admitting who I was… the fear of what everyone else would think of me. So, I watched him pass by… out of reach… yet right before my eyes.

**A/N – So how'd I do? FYI – at this point in the show Lestat is singing about Nicolas. It's a really beautiful song and it's sung by Hugh Panaro, music by Elton John.**

**Lyrics **

**How luminous he looks to me,  
so radiant and glorious.  
One savage kiss is all he'd need,  
to change his life and make this night victorious.**

What princes of the moon we'd be;  
Two blazing beacons in the dark.  
Desire drives me to take him now.  
No force on earth would ever tear him from my heart.

But why do I go back and forth?  
What is this doubt that clouds my thoughts?  
Don't waste the chance,  
and let the night pass by!  
He's mine to take,  
he's right before my eyes.

And so my conscience speaks to me,  
of selfishness and consequence.  
The danger that from death I'd make,  
a stolen soul who was blessed with innocence.

But such a kingdom could be ours;  
a wondrous world beyond compare!  
With his bright fire, and I wish it so,  
surely he'd agree this gift is one that should be shared?

So, why do I go back and forth?  
What is this doubt that clouds my thoughts?  
Don't waste the chance and let the night pass by!  
He's mine to take, he's right before my eyes.

Everything I really need,  
is standing here in front of me.  
The one thing that my heart should not deny,  
is out of reach, but right before my eyes...  
is out of reach,  
but right before my eyes


	13. 13 Broken

**David's Soundtrack**

**A/N – A Song NOT from a musical this time. Yeah, I am this bored at work. This story actually came to me while I was listening to the acoustic version without Amy Lee. It was much more melancholy. **

Broken

Of course it was raining outside, it always rained at funerals. Actually I was glad of it; I think it would have been more upsetting if it had been a beautiful sunny day. Everyone else had left, heading back to the house for some kind of refreshment someone had thought to set up. I stood alone at the head of the casket letting the rain pour through my short hair and trickle down under my collar and down my back.

How could he be gone? I wondered. He was the one who had always been the strong one. He was the one who taught me to be proud of who I was. To believe in myself enough not to hide who I really was. I had spent so much of my life being afraid of what other people thought. In the short time we had together, he taught me it only mattered what I thought. I usually amended it to say it also mattered what he thought. The memory brought a smile to my face despite everything.

_xoxoxoxoxoxox_

_It had only been a few days ago when everything was normal. I had gotten home early from work, having brought the papers home to grade instead of staying at the school. I had left my bag on the couch and was in the kitchen staring into the refrigerator trying to figure out what to have for dinner. When the phone rang, I shut the door making the decision that we were going out to eat tonight. _

"_Hello." I said picking up the receiver in the kitchen. _

"_Don't fix anything for dinner. I'm stopping at the ATM real quick, and I'll be home in a few minutes to pick you up for a nice dinner. "_

_I grinned. "Great minds think alike." I replied._

"_So there's nothing in the fridge?" He asked, his smile apparent in his voice._

_I laughed before saying goodbye and hanging up. _

xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Little did I know at the moment that those would be the last words he ever heard from me. They were far from the last words I spoke to him though. I found myself talking to him often.

Taking a deep breath, I stepped back from the casket. I knew it wasn't him lying inside. He was gone the minute it happened. It wouldn't do any good for me to stay here in the rain and catch pneumonia. I turned away and crossed the soggy grass back to the car. I didn't look back because I knew he wouldn't want me to remember him that way. He always looked to the future. You can't change anything that happened in the past, but you can make damn sure it doesn't happen again in the future.

Getting into the car, I ran my hand through my hair to stop the dripping. I would definitely have to change when I got home. Once inside the car, the dark suit quickly became uncomfortable. Despite the heat, I felt cold and clammy. I pulled out of the cemetery and the hypnotic swish of the wiper blades caused my mind to wander.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

_It had been more than a half hour when I heard the sirens. Worry had quickly overtaken my thoughts. The bank was only minutes from the house and he still wasn't home. I looked out the window to see if he was coming down the street. But instead of his dark blue Camry, I saw a police cruiser pull into the driveway. Briefly I wondered what the policeman would do if I refused to open the door. _

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

The rain had stopped by the time I reached Anna's house. Thank god she'd been home that night. I don't know how things would have gone if she hadn't. She must have been watching out for my car because as I pulled up and opened the door to get out, the front door opened and Anna emerged to place a blonde two year old little girl on the front walks.

"Daddy!" she squealed, running toward me.

I held our daughter in my arms thanking whatever god there might be that she had been at Anna's that night. That she had been spared my complete and total breakdown when I had finally let the policeman inside. She hadn't yet asked for details about what it meant that "Dad was gone away." Someday I'd tell her what a great man her dad was. How he had saved me just as much as he had saved that man at the ATM when he tried to stop the robber. I knew I would pass on all the wisdom he had given to me about being proud of who and what you are no matter what the rest of the world may think.

End

**A/N – I decided to leave this note to the end so it wouldn't influence the story for you, but when I wrote this Dave's partner was ****NOT**** Kurt. I kind of don't want Dave and Kurt together anymore, so I had someone completely different in mind. No one in particular, just an image in my head of a guy. I guess Kurt is off somewhere living his own diva life. :-P**

**Lyrics**

**I wanted you to know that I love the way you laugh  
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away  
And I keep your photograph, I know it serves me well  
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain**

Because I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away  
You've gone away, you don't feel me here anymore

The worst is over now and we can breathe again  
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away  
There's so much left to learn and no one left to fight  
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

Because I'm broken when I'm open  
And I don't feel like I am strong enough  
Because I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

Because I'm broken when I'm open  
And I don't feel like I am strong enough  
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away  
You've gone away, you don't feel me here anymore


	14. 14 One Knight

**David's Soundtrack**

**A/N – It's been a while. I've gotten a bunch of ideas, but can't seem to get stuff written. I've been in NYC the past two weekends seeing shows and plus its baseball season. Anyhow... Another selection from a musical. Just saw Frank Wildhorn's new musical "Wonderland" this weekend and I am in love with this song. Seriously I have had it stuck in my head for 4 days now. **

**You can listen to it here: /watch?v=hLhYWKQeMvA of course adding the main youtube address in front. The cast album is due out in May.**

One Knight

I sit on the rooftop of my apartment building looking out at the lights of the city. It looks so peaceful and glamorous from across the river, but the lights hide the ugly part – the crime, the danger. But from up here you can pretend. Because of what I do, I find myself up here… pretending… a lot. I like to believe there is more good than bad in the world. But I see so much of the bad. This roof top is my fortress of solitude… my refuge from the darkness that I see. Sounds like Superman, doesn't it? If I was a superhero, I sure as hell wouldn't be superman. Batman, maybe.

I got out of Lima with the idea of starting fresh. Turning over a new leaf and being true to myself. The only problem was I couldn't forget all the bad things I had done. Every time I looked in the mirror I'd see what I had done. So, after several years of trying to ignore or run from my past, I decided to embrace it.

I used hockey to get into the University of Chicago and wound up enrolling in their criminal justice program. In my mission to atone (and the desire not to go home) I spent my summers volunteering at various organizations that helped at risk kids, battered women, and all kinds of people I could have had a hand at creating.

Amazingly I graduated with honors, but instead of enrolling at the Chicago police academy, I moved to New York. It was farther away from Lima and I felt I needed another fresh start. It seemed I was still running.

My almost overwhelming desire to "help people", despite its foundation in my need to atone, managed to help me graduate near the top of my class from the police academy. I spent a couple of years on the streets, doing my best to get the 'bad guys.' New York was quickly becoming my home. I found out I kind of liked Broadway shows… the sports were amazing, and I even managed to settle down with a nice guy. A firefighter… how cliché is that?

I worked my way up through the ranks and eventually reached detective. It was there that I really found my place. I specifically asked to be transferred to the violent crimes division. I found that I connected with the victims and put my all into finding out who did it and made them pay. The right way of course, I refused to sink to that level anymore.

So there I stood... on the rooftop of my apartment building in Queens staring across the river at the twinkling lights of Manhattan.

It had been a rough night. It had started out normal enough. I was catching up on paperwork, when the captain announced that there had been an attack on a young man at a McDonalds in the village and that it appeared to be a hate crime. I stood up and walked over to the captain. He saw the question in my eyes and nodded. It wasn't a racial crime… it was an attack on a gay man. He knew I wanted these cases. He and most of the rest of the squad thought it was only because I was gay. They didn't know it was because I had once been a perpetrator of these crimes.

I headed to the scene. The young man was an aspiring actor and waited tables at a nearby coffee shop. It seemed the victim was in stable condition and had been taken to the hospital. It also seemed that he had been doing nothing more than getting something to eat when several other men attacked and horribly beat him outside the restaurant.

After getting as much information I could at the scene, I went to the hospital. I stopped at the ER desk and spoke to the nurse showing my badge. After looking up the chart she directed me to one of the cubicles. I followed her directions and when I turned into the room I was nearly knocked off my feet.

There on the hospital gurney, face covered with bruises and bandages, sat Kurt Hummel.

I knew immediately he didn't recognize me. It was strange seeing him like this knowing I wasn't the cause. It hurt me then, but it seemed to hurt me more now. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't in love with him or anything. That was long passed. But here he was a grown man, trying to make it in the world on his own and people still were trying to beat him down.

I cleared my throat and he looked up from typing something on his phone.

"Sorry, I was just posting on facebook. I want everyone to see what those bastards did. They're not going to get away with this." He was still so strong.

I nodded. "I'll make sure of it." I promised him.

I hadn't done anything to save him years ago, but I made damn sure I would do my best now.

-End-

**A/N - Sadly this attack really happened a month or so ago at a McDonalds restaurant in Greenwich Village. The guy who got attacked was really resilient. He posted about the attack on his facebook and spoke to the news to try to get his attackers. **

**Yeah, there probably could be more. But this was more about Dave trying to make up for what he had done by trying to save others. **

**Comments, questions etc are welcomed. Might get me moving on other ideas that I have, but for some reason don't want to actually be written.**

**Lyrics**

**Give me a dragon I can slay  
****Just say the word and I'll obey  
****Show me a damsel in distress and I'll save her  
****If there's a mission I'm your man  
****Throw in the lady if you can  
****Now I'm not Lancelot  
****I'll be braver  
****I'll rush in to save the day  
****It'll look good on my resume  
****I don't care about the take home pay**

**I just wanna be, I wanna be your  
****One knight who'll fight  
****And be a Wonderland guy  
****One Knight in sight  
****Who has been board certified  
****You'll never find another one like me  
****And if you ever do  
****Show me one knight who'll be half as true**

**No matter where you wanna go  
****I'll take you there because you know  
****The rules of chivalry aren't quite dead yet  
****So if you stick around me  
****I promise you you're gonna see  
****A happy ending riding into the sunset  
****When there is a real close call  
****You'll need shining armor wall to wall  
****And a knight like me cuz after all**

**I just wanna me, I wanna be your  
****One knight, stage right  
****Who never misses his cue  
****One Knight who'll smite  
****Whatever comes after you  
****A knight who when you ask will always say  
****'Your every wish is my command'  
****I'm the one knight for Alice in Wonderland**

**Please just give me half a chance  
****I'm an outsource knight so I work freelance  
****I don't even need a real big advance just one kiss will do**

**If I can be your  
****One Knight, alright  
****Technically two credits shy  
****Still the  
****One Knight bright white  
****But still a regular guy  
****A knight who when you ask will always say  
****'Your every wish is my command'  
****I'm the one knight for this endeavor  
****One knight now and forever  
****One knight for Alice in Wonderland.**


	15. 15 Limelight

**David's Soundtrack**

**A/N – I think I was in shock after last week's episode. It was baaaad. **

**Anyhoo, this idea came to me on Friday and I didn't have a chance over the weekend to write it so I hope I do it justice. The singer/songwriter is Declan Bennett… seriously; most of his songs could fit Dave and Kurt. It's weird.**

**NOTE: This story contains possible spoilers for Ep 2x18 Born This Way. Max mentioned some minor things in an interview I read this morning.**

Limelight

I often found myself watching him. It seemed as if he lived his life in the spotlight… like it was all a performance. He brightened up a room just by being there. But when he left to go to that private school, everything seemed empty. The show was over and we were all left in darkness.

Then one day my dad got a call that we were to have a meeting with Principal Figgins. He asked me if I knew what it was about but I told him I didn't. For the most part, I'd been doing okay since Kurt left. My grades were pretty much what they had been. I wasn't a saint by a long shot, but I wasn't causing major trouble.

It was a shock to both of us when we walked into the office the next morning before classes started and saw Kurt and his father sitting on the one couch. I didn't pay much attention to the details of the meeting after it was announced that Kurt would be returning to McKinley. I just watched him. He still looked as if he was standing in a spotlight, but something was different. It seemed like it was more of a performance than before. It seemed more forced than natural. Almost like my own daily performance.

I wished I could tell him not to do it – that forcing this act on the world will only isolate you and eventually come back and bring you down. This spotlight that illuminates your performance will eventually burn you.

But I didn't tell him. I kept up my act and assured everyone in the room that I wouldn't bully Kurt and that he would be safe at McKinley. I even agreed to participate in Figgins' new anti bullying program by patrolling the halls in my free periods. We all shook hands… even Kurt shook mine which shocked me. At that moment, I looked at him and I knew he could see past my act just as I could see past his… and the thing was… we both knew it. But nothing was said. Our dad's left and Kurt and I went our separate ways to class. I was happy that the light had returned, but I wondered how long it would last before it burned out.

End

**A/N – Okay, it turned out a little different than I had intended. This idea of Kurt came to me because lately his character seems a bit more over the top… like he's trying too hard and it makes me wonder if he's hiding his true feelings.**

**Lyrics**

**You are your time right now  
****No star burns brighter  
****You are to me like a match to a lighter  
****The real thing mate and there's a reason why  
****You light up the room not the whole fuckin sky**

**Cosmic waste  
****Don't leave the planet empty  
****On your one way trip  
****To galaxies of plenty  
****The wheels of temptation – we're succumbing to their turn  
****But when you step into that limelight  
****Just watch that you don't burn**

**And set yourself aflame  
****In your quest for everyone to know your name**

**The universe is a bloody massive space  
****Being a star must be a bloody lonely place  
****I've got a rocket in my pocket if you ever want to return  
****If you step into that limelight  
****And you feel it burn**

**You are your time right now  
****No star burns brighter  
****You are to me like a match to a lighter  
****The real thing mate and there's a reason why  
****You light up the room not the whole fuckin sky**


	16. 16 Freer

**David's Soundtrack**

**A/N – Declan Bennett strikes again. Seriously, this guy's songs just fit Dave (and Kurt) so well! This story actually kind of maybe goes with another story I'm writing – "Bang" (also a song by Declan!) They can be read separately as they are both self contained, but they also (I hope) complement each other. **

**You can watch the official video by going to the youtube homepage and adding **_**watch?v=PBkEJS9cc3w**_** to the end of the address line.**

Freer

I sat alone in my dorm room at Ohio State staring at my open laptop. I was supposed to be writing a paper on 'Love in Victorian Literature.' Of all the possible topics to be assigned, I got this one. I sighed and stared at the screen silently hoping for a chat or email alert to pop up. Instead my mind wandered.

It had been almost a year since I had ended it with Kurt. Well I didn't really 'end' much per se, since we didn't really have much to begin with. I thought I was ready. The end of junior year when Kurt had come back to McKinley, I had started to change. I had become friends with most of the gleek. I had even come to terms with my own sexuality. Not that I was shouting it out in the hallways, but I was okay with myself. I had the support of my parents and my new friends.

It was over the summer that Kurt and I had gotten closer. We'd go to the movies or out on hikes together. I don't think they were actual dates as nothing happened. We just found that we enjoyed spending time together. Toward the end of August, it got more serious. We'd stay in at one of our houses and cuddle on the couch watching a DVD. Or we'd actually go out to dinner. It continued this way into the fall of our senior year. Kurt was trying to get me to apply to NYU with him so we could go together and be "roomies." (His word, not mine)

That's when I felt myself begin to pull back. I was feeling trapped. He wanted more than I could give him. When he got accepted at the NYU drama program I was genuinely happy for him. It also gave me a sense of relief. I had applied and been accepted at Ohio State majoring in English. When Kurt found out, he actually cried. I remembered telling him it was for the best… that this was a perfect opportunity for him… that his dreams would come true.

So here I sat… alone. The freedom from Kurt I had thought I wanted wasn't all that I had expected. This being college after all, I had gone out with a couple of guys, but nothing really happened. There wasn't any spark… any desire. I had walked away from the one thing I wanted, falsely convincing Kurt and myself that it was the right thing to do. Now I wished I hadn't. Now I knew it would have been worth it to try the long distance thing with Kurt. As they say 'you don't know what you've got until you've lost it.'

I spun lazily around in my chair and found myself wondering if Kurt ever thought about me. Was he happy in New York? Would he be willing to see me over Thanksgiving weekend? Many times as I sat at my computer late at night I thought about emailing him or texting him. But I never went through with it. I was the one who walked away from it all. I had no right to expect him to be waiting for me.

My thoughts were interrupted by an alert from my laptop. I turned around to face the desk again and my breath caught in my throat when I read the words in the new chat window.

_**Kurt Hummel says: Hey David. I miss you. Wanna chat?**_

-End-

**A/N – So? I left it open on purpose. Make of the ending what you will. As soon as I get the full lyrics to "Bang" I'll be posting that story. I know they fit, but I need to really listen to make sure they say what I think they say. Hopefully later today. **

**Lyrics**

**I wrote this for us in the hope that these words might say more than has already been said  
Cos we both live in fear that after a year I'm still stuck in yours and you are still trapped in my head  
Its been harder than we ever imagined an ending to be and all for the freedom I wanted to see  
Freedom's not all it's cracked up to be….**

I'd feel Freer if you were handcuffed to me  
If we were joined at the hip by pins like Siamese twins  
I'd feel Freer if you were handcuffed to me  
Because we all move on but we don't all survive behind walls of freedom that kill us than keep us alive

It's a hard climb and the rocks they are huge why do we opt for the struggle instead?  
I wonder if I'd known I'd be this messed up I'd have still packed my rucksack and climbed on ahead  
I just want to tell you a face to a face, I think about you and the life I replaced  
And all for the freedom I wanted to taste  
Freedom's just one fuckin' big waste of space

I'd feel Freer if you were handcuffed to me  
If we were joined at the hip by pins like Siamese twins  
I'd feel Freer if you were handcuffed to me  
Because we all move on but we don't all survive behind walls of freedom that kill us than keep us alive

I just want to tell you a face to a face that I think about you all the time  
And it's the most difficult emotion that I've ever dealt with  
Walking out on love and pretending I'm fine

I'd feel Freer if you were handcuffed to me  
If we were joined at the hip by pins like Siamese twins  
I'd feel Freer if you were handcuffed to me  
Because we all move on but we don't all survive behind walls of freedom that kill us than keep us alive


	17. 17 Bang

**David's Soundtrack**

**A/N - This is the companion piece to the prev chapter "Freer." As I said in that chapter, both can be read independently, but they do fit together kind of. Yes, another Declan Bennett song. Seriously go get his new album Record:BREAKUP on amazon or itunes. His stuff really fits Dave (and Kurt). **

**This takes place within the other story, but it really does stand on its own.**

**Here's a video of him performing the song for an arts program at a school. As usual put the main youtube address first. watch?v=Ve0PItMhlls Not the best video, but you can really hear how beautiful the song is. **

**Thank you so much to my two faithful reviewers – LizziePoodle and Dreaming-of-a-Nightmare. You guys rock! **

Bang

I was sitting in the cafeteria when Kurt ran in waving an envelope around in the air.

"It came!" he squeals, shoving the envelope at me.

Even though I could figure it out from his excitement, I calmly asked. "What came?"

"I got in!" he exclaimed as he wrapped his arms around me. "I'm going to New York! I tried to call you last night but you're phone was off."

"Battery was low. I was charging it." Lame excuse I know. I had been ever so slightly been pulling away from him lately. I didn't really know why. It was nothing in particular. Maybe things were going too fast.

"No problem." Kurt said, interrupting my musings. "Now we just have to wait for yours." He added with a smile as he untangled his arms from around me.

And there is was. Kurt had been discussing the idea of both of us going to NYU. My grades had gotten back to their high level and I could have easily gotten in…. if I had applied. I never actually told him I was going to apply; he had just assumed we were following his plan. Instead I had applied to and been accepted to Ohio State.

I don't know what my problem was. Kurt was this sparking light in the drabness that was McKinley High. Despite all that I had done to him, he still liked me. He had helped me come to terms with myself and stood by me through it all. So why was I hesitating to be with him? Why couldn't I accept his fairytale of moving to New York? Because he deserved more.

"It's not coming." I said quietly, figuring he deserved the truth as well.

"What's not coming? You didn't get in?" He asked incredulously.

"I didn't apply." I said matter of factly.

The happiness that had filled his features when he entered the room only moments before dissolved. "Why? Don't you want to go to New York? Why didn't you tell me?"

I stared at the table. "It's not that."

"Was it the whole 'roomies' thing? We don't have to room together. I don't care David. We can make this work."

Finally I looked at him. "It's not NYU, it's not New York." I said exasperated. "It's this. I screw up and you're ready to just go with it. Like we can just fix it and go on."

"But we can. "

I stood up. "We shouldn't have to. You shouldn't have to. You deserve NYU… New York. You deserve to follow your dreams. You deserve more than me."

Before he could contradict me, I turned towards the door. As I walked away I heard him say the words that almost made me go back. Instead I steeled myself and walked out of the cafeteria.

"But I love you, Dave."

End

A/N – Yeah... kind of sad, but if you read it context with "Freer" it kind of has a happy ending.

Comments and questions etc are welcomed.

**Lyrics**

**You're like this little flash of light  
****That illuminates the dark  
****When I least expect it  
****You've got that firework type of way  
****The warm light and I'm tempted  
****The minute I walk away  
****You go… bang.  
****And explode into  
****Incredible colors  
****Into incredible colors**

**And I'm thinkin' how the hell do you do that  
****And I'm wonderin' why is it you waited  
****Till I'm about ready to give you up  
****And then you blow up in front of my face  
****And you tell me that you love me**

**You are waiting in the places I can't see  
****You are hiding underneath my every possibility  
****That I have been considering since the day you left me  
****And you left me with a caffeine buzz  
****You're effervescent ways of running to the surface  
****When your heart is colliding with liquid  
****And this liquid is getting tasty its making my tongue fizz  
****It's making me talk for hours and hours  
****About you and about what your love is**

**And I'm thinkin' how the hell do you do that  
****And I'm wonderin' why is it you waited  
****Till I'm about ready to give you up  
****And then you blow up in front of my face**

**And you tell me that you love me  
****You're like this little flash of light  
****That illuminates the dark  
****When I least expect it  
****You've got that firework type of way  
****The warm light and I'm tempted  
****The minute I walk away  
****You go… bang.**


	18. 18 Justify

**David's Soundtrack**

**A/N – Yep another Declan song. I swear this guy has written the soundtrack to Kurtofsky. This one fits Kurt a little better, but I write Dave better soo…. Hopefully this works out. This song is PERFECT for Kurt to sing, too bad Declan isn't well known enough for it to even be a possibility. **

Justify

Kurt is back at McKinley and just as expected he returned in a moment of drama – shouting out his triumphant return in the courtyard at lunchtime. Along with the rest of the school I watched as he strutted down the steps into the waiting arms of his friends. He had such grace, such poise, and such confidence in everything he was. Just the opposite of what I felt about myself. And you know what they say about opposites, right?

So I sat with the jocks and stayed silent as they made fun of him. They couldn't do much more now that Figgins had instituted the harsher bullying rules. Ironically enough, I was one of the enforcers. Despite how much I wanted to, I couldn't speak up against their taunts. They'd want to know why, and unlike Kurt, I knew I would have to come up with a plausible reason.

Kurt was singing. I was actually surprised at how much I had missed hearing his voice. It was just a formality, but he was re-trying out for the glee club. I never understood why they had tryouts, anyone who wanted to join got in. They didn't have to give reasons why. Hell that girl Lauren could barely sing. It was afterschool and the halls were empty. I had told Az that I had to get something from my locker and that I'd meet him outside. I couldn't tell him the real reason I was staying behind.

The song was full of longing and hope. I leaned against the lockers next to the door and closed my eyes, letting the music and lyrics drift into my mind. I was almost startled by the sound of applause. I risked a peek into the open door and saw the glee club standing and clapping for Kurt, and though his back was turned I could imagine the smile on his face. I knew how he felt. I felt the same when we finished the Thriller number at the championship game. I wished I could have joined glee permanently. But while Mr. Shue didn't require a reason, I know the football team would. Taking a deep breath I turned away and walked down the empty hallway.

I sat in the back of the auditorium with Santana. She was wearing a white t-shirt that said "Lebanese" and a frown. Without even asking I knew why she wasn't up on the stage with her friends dancing. If she went up there, she'd have to give a reason for the shirt she was wearing. So I'd sat down next to her and watched the glee club do their performance about being proud of yourself no matter what – about never having to justify who or what you were to anyone. But Santana and I knew that didn't apply to us.

End

**A/N – So, what'd ya think? I don't think it's one of my best. Sigh… it just wouldn't come out like I had it in my head.**

**I put the scene of Dave standing outside the choir room because I really expected it to be in the episode. When Kurt finished singing and the camera pulled back through the doorway into the hallway, I really expected Dave to be standing there, or at least shown walking away like he'd been listening.**

**Lyrics**

**Stand back, I've got nothing to say  
Leave me alone cos I don't feel the same  
I've got other reasons left for me to use  
Say you don't believe me, say you won't believe the way  
I try my best to please you but this jokes had its day**

I've had enough of sucking through  
I've made one too many consequence  
I've had it up to here and I just don't see  
The need for this impromptu tag on me

Justify my walk, justify my style  
Justify my many documents you try so hard to file  
Justify this place, just in case  
You wake up one morning to find it has blown up in your face

Hold up, have a little respect  
Honey have a heart, I'm down, I've neglected my daily dose of minor liberties  
You take yours with 2 lumps  
And then you leave the sweeter stuff for me  
Cos you're not prepared to fight for what you blatantly can't see

I've had enough of making out  
That I don't know what the fuck this is all about  
I've had it up to here and I just don't get  
The reason why you thrive on disrespect

Justify my walk, justify my style  
Justify my many documents you try so hard to file  
Justify this place, just in case  
You wake up one morning to find it has blown up in your face

I've had enough of sucking through  
I've made one too many consequence  
I've had it up to here and I just don't get  
The lack of what I would call some respect

**Justify my walk, justify my style  
Justify my many documents you try so hard to file  
Justify this place, just in case  
You wake up one morning to find it has blown up in your face  
**


	19. 19 Taxidermy

**David's Soundtrack**

**A/N – Been sitting on this one for a while, hope it comes out like I want it to. It's Declan Bennett again. Really you should check out his songs. They could do a Declan themed episode and it wouldn't be forced. You can listen to it on youtube (just put the youtube main addy first) /watch?v=0MP-Evg8e5E Its the best I could find right now. **

**I really need to be able to type these up while driving, that's when I come up with the best ideas and it's always so hard to get them going again once I'm at a computer.**

Taxidermy

The ride home was awkward to say the least. There weren't many cars around being that it was the middle of the afternoon, but that silence was dwarfed by the silence that hung in the car. There wasn't really anything left to say, it had all been said in Figgin's office. Surprisingly, the worst thing wasn't the expulsion, it was my father's silence. I had been expecting anger when he got called to come to the meeting with Kurt and his father. Instead it was disappointment.

The car pulled into the driveway and we got out not saying a word to each other. Once inside the house, I went straight up to my room. I knew there was nothing to be said right now, and I was more afraid at how my father had acted today than I had been of any bout of yelling he had ever done in my life.

Instead of dropping my backpack on the floor just inside my doorway, I gently set it down next to my bed and took out my books and placed them on my desk. Just because I was expelled I didn't need to neglect my school work. Hell, I didn't have much else at the moment. I wondered if I'd have to be home schooled or if my parents would have to shell out for a private school. Great, another thing for them to be disappointed about. Me costing them more money.

I went into my bathroom and stood in front of the vanity. I don't know if I was expecting to see something different in my reflection. The only difference was the gruff exterior seemed to have melted away and a scared teenage boy looked back at me. This was the face I'd never show at school. Instead I dressed up in my bully uniform – the big letterman jacket, the angry scowl. I filled my head with excuses as to why I had to act like this, but I managed to ignore them. Until he saw through my act. Kurt stood up to me. That was when the façade began to crack.

I went back into my bedroom and lay down on my bed. My gaze crossed the room until it rested on the wedding topper I had stolen from Kurt only a few days earlier. Now it stood on my shelf like some kind of hunter's trophy. A shrine to my own fear that I had tried so hard to project onto the rest of the world.

End

**A/N – Okay, not exactly what I had been planning, but I hope it turned out alright. I was thinking about doing more, but I didn't want to beat it to death just going on and on.**

**The lyrics might not be totally correct - I had to transcribe them myself. But the main ones are right. **

**Lyrics**

**What can I say  
****With my face to the ground  
****That you haven't' heard before  
****My voice is just a useless sound  
****This is busy noise that gets me into trouble**

**My dog wasn't big enough to swallow the bluff  
****Too busy puking up excuses  
****One day it all went quiet  
****And all I could hear  
****Was the bang of your cheek as it curses your tear  
****Why do I dress up in fear  
****Why do I dress up to kill  
****What's already dead**

**I'm gonna wear your carcass  
****Down Old Compton street tonight  
****You're the prize I don't deserve  
****You are the trophy I don't want**

**My dog wasn't big enough to swallow the bluff  
****Too busy puking up excuses  
****One day it all went quiet  
****And all I could hear  
****Was the bang of your cheek as it curses your tear  
****Why do I dress up in fear  
****Why do I dress up in fear  
****Why do I dress up in fear  
****Why do I dress up in**

**What can I do  
****How should I think  
****Why does it vanish when I drink  
****You're safe inside that space  
****Above my fireplace  
****For everyone to see  
****My new interesting taxidermy  
****Exes' heads upon the walls  
****Over here**

**But too busy puking up excuses  
****One day it all went quiet  
****And all I could hear  
****Was the bang of your cheek as it curses your tear  
****Why do I dress up in fear  
****Why do I dress up in fear  
****Why do I dress up in fear**


	20. 20 Cinema

**David's Soundtrack**

**A/N – Another one I've been sitting on for a while. Am I going too much with the Declan Bennett stuff? It's just that his songs really inspire me and really fit with the characters. Again here's the link for youtube /watch?v=b6GzSxx1Mbs**

**This chapter was originally going to go in a totally different direction, but I decided to try to make it during the Prom ep. I've read spoilers, so they may or may not be incorporated. **

Cinema

I sat at the table next to Santana. The rest of the table was made up of jocks and their cheerleader dates. Both Santana and I were playing our roles perfectly. Though I knew the smile on her face and the warmth of her hand on my leg was just as much of an act as my jokes with the other guys about after prom activities were.

Almost as if on cue, my eyes were drawn to the entrance of Kurt Hummel. He, as usual, was dressed like he was wearing a costume for a performance. He had a kilt on with a short dark jacket. Of course he was escorted by his perfectly cast boyfriend. It seemed as if his whole life was a performance in one of those Broadway musicals. I was the villain who had tormented him through Act One and now at the beginning of Act Two, he enters the ball with his prince charming.

I manage to put him out of my head for the next hour or so as I dance with Santana. We carefully avoid any of the slower numbers and actually manage to have a good time turning the good dance songs. She is amazed that I can dance pretty well. But, we are brought back to reality when the music stops and Figgins steps up to the microphone. Santana grips my hand tightly as he announces my name as the winner of Prom King. She smiles and gives me a hug. Her plan seems to be working.

My winning wasn't as much of a surprise as you might think. I had always been popular, and while I did pick on other kids, none of it was even close to what I did to Kurt. So with the votes from the jocks and the cheerleaders it was a shoe in. Especially since no one else was seriously running.

So I climbed up the steps to the makeshift stage and accepted my crown. I stepped back and Figgins opened the envelope to read out the name of Prom Queen. But instead of Santana's name, or even Quinn or Lauren's, he read out Kurt Hummel's. The spotlight easily found him in the crowd. As I watched him walk slowly up to the stage, scenes from _Carrie_ raced through my mind. Was this some sick joke? As he ascended the steps, I looked at him trying to convey that this was not part of any plan Santana and I had concocted. He gave me a small smile and accepted the tiara and flowers from Figgins.

As Kurt stepped back to stand next to me and Figgins announced the 2011 McKinley Prom King and Queen, I wondered if this was part of his script… part of his perfect fairy tale, musical-comedy life that he seemed to live in.

End

**A/N – Sorry if the end seems a bit bitter, it just came out that way. I wanted to leave it open because I'm not sure what I want to happen after the announcement. **

**Because I had to transcribe it myself, there were a couple of lines I wasn't sure of. **

**Lyrics**

**You were unbelievable  
****The life you lead is like a musical  
****Dancing to the laughing scene is sweet  
****But you're not listening to me  
****A tribute to black and white  
****Make it so hard to see the real light  
****And though you always feel at home  
****The songs I do are all in monochrome**

**I've been living in this film  
****Get me off the set  
****I've been living in this film  
****Get me off the set  
****You think that you live in a cinema  
****You think we all live in a cinema  
****Crews surround you doing your make up  
****Boys surround you doing your make up**

**I can't keep watching, I feel sick  
****The life you lead is like a horror flick  
****You're killing everything that's real  
****To cover up for what you can't feel  
****  
I've been living in this film  
****Get me off the set  
****I've been living in this film  
****Get me off the set  
****You think that you live in a cinema  
****You think we all live in a cinema  
****Crews surround you doing your make up  
****Boys surround you doing your make up**

**You think that you live in a cinema  
****You think we all live in a cinema  
****Crews surround you doing your make up  
****Boys surround you doing your make up**


	21. 21 Behind These Hazel Eyes

**David's Soundtrack**

**A/N – Wow… an actual non Declan Bennett song. It's the hazel eyes part of the song that really hit me. There is so much going on inside Dave and I really hope we get to see how it all works out for him.**

Behind These Hazel Eyes

I only missed a couple of days of school. Dad had spoken to the school board and told them I would not be acting that way again. So I was almost on house arrest for the rest of the school year. I'd get to go to football practice or anything school related, but other than that I was to be home.

So on a Wednesday morning, I returned to the halls of McKinley. Not much had changed, but it all seemed different. I guess I was different. I was called out on what I was doing and now I was paying for it. I used to rule these hallways, but now it didn't feel right. I wanted to just blend in.

I had heard about Kurt transferring from Azimio. I thought it would have come as a relief. To walk through these hallways, not having to see him every day… to see him be what I couldn't. Instead it was almost torture. I found myself lying awake at night wondering how he was doing at his new school. If he truly was happier there. At school, I pulled in on myself more. I really didn't care about much. I just went to class, football, and home. My grades improved just because I didn't really do anything else.

It was like I became a shell of the guy I once was. Maybe it was that brief moment in the locker room. That split second before Kurt pushed me away, that I could pretend that everything would be okay. I don't know why I let it escalate as much as I did. And now I can't ever apologize to him.

Or so I thought…

It all happened so quickly. Santana came up with her "plan" to be prom queen and get Brittany. Somehow it involved dating me, getting Kurt back to McKinley and protecting the school from bullies like ourselves. And it worked… kind of.

At first I played the part Santana had scripted. Apologized to the glee club, had a meeting with Figgins, Kurt and our fathers and started the Bully Whips with Santana. I kept up my stoic exterior and said what I was supposed to. I stopped people from beating up on the losers of the school. But after a while I found I wasn't acting anymore. I felt better about what I was doing.

It all came to head one day when I was escorting Kurt to class. He asked me if it was really necessary and said that maybe people didn't care as much about his (or anyone's he implied) sexuality. I tried so hard to keep up my façade, but it crumbled. I broke down in front of Kurt, right there in the hallway outside his French class. I told him how sorry I was about everything I had done to him. He replied with two simple words that seemed to fix so much of what was broken inside of me.

"I know."

-End-

**A/N – I don't know about this one. I was gung ho yesterday... then my day turned to crap and I didn't finish. Then today I just didn't have the same vibe. I wanted to get it up before tonight. For me the show is already kind of on hiatus, so…. Although it was awesome seeing Max on Dr Phil yesterday. He was so kind and articulate! **

**Lyrics**

**Seems like just yesterday  
You were a part of me  
I used to stand so tall  
I used to be so strong  
Your arms around me tight  
Everything, it felt so right  
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong  
Now I can't breathe  
No, I can't sleep  
I'm barely hanging on**

Here I am, once again  
I'm torn into pieces  
Can't deny it, can't pretend  
Just thought you were the one  
Broken up, deep inside  
But you won't get to see the tears I cry  
Behind these hazel eyes

I told you everything  
Opened up and let you in  
You made me feel alright  
For once in my life  
Now all that's left of me  
Is what I pretend to be  
So together, but so broken up inside  
'Cause I can't breathe  
No, I can't sleep  
I'm barely hangin' on

Here I am, once again  
I'm torn into pieces  
Can't deny it, can't pretend  
Just thought you were the one  
Broken up, deep inside  
But you won't get to see the tears I cry  
Behind these hazel eyes

Swallow me then spit me out  
For hating you, I blame myself  
Seeing you it kills me now  
No, I don't cry on the outside  
Anymore...  
Anymore...

Here I am, once again  
I'm torn into pieces  
Can't deny it, can't pretend  
Just thought you were the one  
Broken up, deep inside  
But you won't get to see the tears I cry  
Behind these hazel eyes

Here I am, once again  
I'm torn into pieces  
Can't deny it, can't pretend  
Just thought you were the one  
Broken up, deep inside  
But you won't get to see the tears I cry  
Behind these hazel eyes


	22. 22 Pure Imagination

**Dave's Soundtrack**

**A/N - Yeah, he wasn't in last night's episode, but I feel like ND's performance and Sue's speech would have really hit a nerve with him. So in my head, he was there… he just wasn't shown on camera cuz he was in the back. **** SPOILERS FOR EP 21 – "FUNERAL"**

Pure Imagination

I had heard about the passing of Coach Sylvester's sister in the locker room. Finn was talking with the other glee guys about some kind of tribute at her funeral. I didn't even know she had a sister. Was it something about her sister that made her the way she was? Was all of her animosity simply a front, just as mine was… is?

By hanging back after I changed I managed to find out where the funeral was taking place. I decided to go and pay my respects. Just like Coach Sylvester, despite my outward appearance, I wasn't a monster.

I pulled up to the funeral parlor. The parking lot was full. Seems more people than I thought were here to support Coach Sylvester. Briefly I wondered how many people would show up to my funeral. Not this many, I suspected sadly. Sitting in my car, I watched as people went into the building. I saw the glee club greet each other outside and walk in together. After a bit, no one else seemed to be arriving and I cautiously got out of my car and went inside. I easily found the room where the service was taking place and slipped inside to stand in the back.

Coach Sylvester was standing at the front attempting to talk about her sister. My breath caught in my throat when her emotions overcame her and she couldn't continue. Kurt's response to my breakdown in the hallway not long ago came to mind. _"I know."_ I was glad when Mr. Shuester stepped up to read her prepared note. He words, read by him, showed that she was as human as the rest of us. She had feelings and emotions, but like me felt she had to keep them hidden from the world. That she couldn't show her true self to anyone but her sister and now her sister was gone.

When Mr. Shuester finished and he guided her back to their seats, the glee club stood up. They sang that song from the original Willy Wonka movie, while a video showed images of Coach Sylvester and her sister. I watched each member of the glee club as they sang. They opened their hearts to a woman who had done almost everything in her power to beat them down… to keep them from succeeding. When my gaze reached Kurt, his eyes met mine. I knew he saw me standing there. I wondered if he and the rest of the glee kids would be so willing to open their hearts to me.

I didn't want to be lonely anymore. I wanted to be surrounded by friends and family. I wanted my funeral to be like this one… full of love and acceptance.

End

**A/N – It's short, I know. Whaddaya think?**

**Lyrics**

**Hold your breath  
Make a wish  
Count to three**

Come with me  
And you'll be  
In a world of pure imagination  
Take a look  
And you'll see  
Into your imagination

We'll begin  
With a spin  
Traveling in  
The world of my creation  
What we'll see  
Will defy explanation

If you want to view paradise  
Simply look around and view it  
Anything you want to, do it  
Want to change the world?  
There's nothing to it

There is no  
Life I know  
To compare with pure imagination  
Living there  
You'll be free  
If you truly wish to be

If you want to view paradise  
Simply look around and view it  
Anything you want to, do it  
Want to change the world?  
There's nothing to it

There is no  
Life I know  
To compare with pure imagination  
Living there  
You'll be free  
If you truly  
Wish to be


	23. 23 Robot Boy

**David's Soundtrack**

**A/N – I was actually trying to work on a standalone longer story but was listening to music while doing so and this popped in my head. **

Robot Boy

I had agreed to the conditions in Figgins' office just to get it over with. Not that I didn't mean my apology or anything, but I never really thought Kurt's club idea would ever really happen. Hell, this school has enough fights over funding.

It had largely been forgotten as prom came and went and the glee club went to nationals. (Yeah, I kind of paid attention to that, so what?) And I figured it wouldn't happen. I meant what I said when Kurt suggested it – that I wished someone would kill me. God knows if I could have done it myself, I'd have been dead by now. I knew exactly what all those kids were feeling on that website Santana had showed me. No little school group that probably only myself and Kurt would show up for was going to change things.

It was only a few weeks until school let out for summer break. A few weeks until I could be rid of this prison for three months. Despite what Kurt had said before prom, I couldn't help but let this eat away at me. I couldn't stand up and fight like he does every day. Even if I did fight… even if I did come out… who would ever want a big sweaty jock? I saw the guys together at the mall. They were two perfect model types.

My self-loathing session was interrupted by Kurt leaning against the lockers next to mine.

"What day are you free this week?" He asked clutching his books to his chest.

"What? Why?" I said, having no idea what he was getting at. I glanced around to see if anyone had taken notice of our conversation.

He took out some flyers he'd printed out and waved them in my face. "PFLAG. Don't you remember?"

I grabbed the flyers before anyone could see. "How could I forget?" I hissed at him. "I thought maybe we could wait till next year." I said, glancing around once again.

"David," he began, sounding suspiciously like my father beginning a lecture on responsibility. "This was one of the conditions we agreed on. And this would just be like an introductory meeting to see who was interested and make plans for next year."

He was actually getting excited over this. "Fine." I sighed. "You decide, just let me know when."

I closed my locker and headed to my next class.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

A couple of days later I was just coming out of my calculus class to find Kurt standing there waiting for me. He handed me a new flyer with a rainbow and two people holding hands on it. I rolled my eyes. At least it wasn't printed on pink paper.

"Today after school. Mr. Schue is letting us use the choir room." He smiled.

I crumpled up the page and shoved it in my pocket. I wondered if this was how prisoners on death row felt. That afternoon I saw that Kurt had posted the flyers all over the hallways. Great, now everyone knew. And I'm sure they'd all come to gawk at Kurt (and surprise… me) sitting alone in the choir room.

The afternoon went faster than I wanted it to. I texted my dad to let him know I'd be late. The halls emptied out as I took my time at my locker, trying to spare myself the agony of going to this meeting. It wouldn't help anything. How was Kurt and I sitting in a room together supposed to change anything… educate anyone?

Finally I knew I couldn't delay the inevitable anymore and headed off towards the choir room. Stepping into what I thought was going to be a nearly empty room; I was shocked to see easily a dozen or more people standing around. Kurt had set up a table with some drinks and some snacks. The atmosphere in the room was definitely tense. Seemed people had shown up, but no one quite knew what to do.

Kurt saw me and gestured for me to sit down. After I chose a seat, Kurt took the chair to my right and slowly the rest of the students began to join us. Everyone looked around. No one was here to make fun of anyone else… everyone else looked as uncertain as I felt. Without a word needing to be spoken, an understanding seemed to pass through everyone in the room. This was a safe place… a place free of judgment… a place where you could be yourself.

Maybe Kurt was right, I thought as he formally brought the meeting to order.

End

**A/N – Sorry there isn't more. I didn't want to force it. **

**Lyrics**

**You say you're not going to fight  
Because no one will fight for you  
And you think there's not enough love  
And no one to give it to  
And you're sure you've hurt for so long  
You've got nothing left to lose  
So you say you're not going to fight  
Because no one will fight for you**

You say the weight of the world  
Has kept you from letting go  
And you think compassion's a flaw  
And you'll never let it show  
And you're sure you've hurt in a way  
That no one will ever know

**But someday the weight of the world  
Will give you strength to go**

Hold on, the weight of the world  
Will give you the strength to go  
So hold on, the weight of the world  
Will give you the strength to go  
So hold on, the weight of the world  
Will give you the strength to go  
Just hold, on the weight of the world  
Will give you the strength to go


	24. 24 The Story

David's Soundtrack

**First of all I'm literally dying of joy every time I watch the video of Max sing. What a voice! **

**Anyhoo, I'm still working on Everything More, but Dave called to me when I was listening to my 30STM cd in the car yesterday. This doesn't fit in that great in that story, so I decided to put it here. **

The Story

It was the night before the first day of Senior Year. This summer had been life changing for me, but now as I sat in my car in the dark the past came back.

All my life I had thought I wanted my life to be a certain way. I was going to go to college on a football (or hockey) scholarship, be some kind of great businessman, get married and have kids. I had planned on the whole picket fence thing. But it seemed like someone had a different plan in mind.

I fought so hard to keep to my plan. I lied. I built up a character – the role I was 'supposed' to be. If I couldn't have it for real, then I'd just pretend that's who I was. I hid behind that façade and set out to break anyone who tried to see behind it. I cut myself off from anyone who tried to get close to me. But then again, no one was close to the 'real' me. Everyone only knew the lies.

Except one person. One single person was able to break a crack in my wall – Kurt Hummel. And now I sat outside his house. I had planned on coming over before school started to tell him about my summer… to tell him how I had changed… how I had finally found and accepted myself. And how, with the help of a great guy, I found out my plan didn't have to change that much. I could still have the scholarship… the picket fence… the family.

**A/N – Yeah… really short. It kind of fits in with Everything More, but it wouldn't really fit in the flow. And I decided not to name Declan, so it could stand alone. **

**Lyrics**

**I've been thinking of everything  
I used to want to be  
I've been thinking of everything  
Of me, of you and me**

This is the story of my life  
(These are the lies I have created)  
This is the story of my life  
(These are the lies I have created)

I'm in the middle of nothing  
And it's where I want to be  
I'm at the bottom of everything  
And I finally start to leave

This is the story of my life  
(These are the lies I have created)  
This is the story of my life  
(These are the lies I have created)  
(I've created...)

And I swear to god  
I'll find myself  
In the end

And I swear to god  
I'll find myself  
In the end

And I swear to god  
I'll find myself  
In the end  
In the end

And I swear to god  
I'll find myself  
In the end

In the end _**[x4]**_****

This is the story of my life  
These are the lies I have created  
This is the story of my life  
These are the lies I have created  
(I've created)  
This is the story of my life  
(whispers)  
These are the lies I have created...


End file.
